Ode to The Ladder Theory

By Boo Rogers

*editors note: THE AUTHOR IS A FEMALE!

The boy possesses one strong ladder

The girl carries two

The first allows potential love

Not both of the others do

The boy places girl on one of its rungs

And waits, watches, chases

Moves her up a hop or two

Or back several spaces

His love he is ready to give

And will consider well

Those who stand upon the rungs

Only time and talk will tell

As for the girl and the two she carries

Not both have equal standing

One the boy frowns hard upon

The other he sets on landing

The first are for those “real nice guys”

Who can’t be more than friends

No, there’s nothing wrong with them

There’s just no greater end

They can move up and down its rungs

But down is always bad

The top is “like”, the bottom “hate”

Yes, I know it’s rather sad

The other ladder is the better

The very top’s true love

To land a place on any rung

Is a gift from heaven above

Not every guy gets placed on it

He’s dependent on her grace

And even when he lands a spot

He may never move up a space

The worse, I’m afraid, is still to come

For between the two ladders lies

A chasm, dark with lightening bolts

And as deep as it is wide

A guy would never think to jump

From the second to the first

But the boy labeled “just a friend”

Considers staying in place much worse

Thus ever so often the leap is made

Across the great divide

Ending too often in spiraling screams

An irrecoverable ride

But one in a million… no, times that by two

A spider-like man appears

Takes the running jump of death

And that greater ladder he nears!

He grabs a hold and climbs aboard

Victorious he stands

Takes a breath and a look around

Grasps the rung with both his hands

But like I said before in rhyme

He’s dependent on her grace

For even when he lands a spot

He may never move up a space

I wish that I could leave you with

An ending much less rude

But guys, the girls just have it better

And you my friends, you’re screwed